steps to salsa

Salsa Racing Spanish to English Translations

El Medio Una Bulla Abajo Saca Agua del pozo Exhíbela Dame Dame otra Dame dos Dame dos con dos Enchunfla Enchunfla doble Enchunfla y cásate Adios Adios con la hermana Setenta Príncipe bueno Príncipe malo o castígala Mátale el Mosquito Pelota con dos o cuatro Enchunfla y dame Setenta complicado Paseala Paseala por arriba Vacílala Dedo Beso Treinta y tres Pa’ Arriba Flor Levántala Bájala Un Tarro Mata la cucaracha Pedro Navaja Médico Sacude la mata y recoge los cocos Peluquería Se fue Recoge Adalberto Pablito Vacila media Cerrucho La Cuñada Coquito con melao Llévala a Coppelia Sombrero Candado Tusacutusa Sabadaso 7 Loco Ponle Sabor Montaña Balsero Cuba Libre Sargazo Serpiente Setenta y pescado Carnaval Bayamo en Coche Durdú el Loco Alarde Evelyn Isaura Leonsio Noventa Ocho Cero Siete y Coca Cola Tijeras Recoge el cabo

To the middle A Holler Downward Take water out of the well Exhibit her Give me one Give me another one Give me two Give me two with two Connect Connect twice Connect and get married Goodbye Goodbye with the sister Seventy Good prince Bad prince or punish her Kill the mosquito The ball with two or four Connect and boot her out Complicated 70 Take her for a walk Take her for a walk over the top Check her out Finger Kiss Thirty three Upward Flower Lift her up Put her down A horn Kill the cockroach Peter Blade Doctor Shake the tree & pickup the coconuts Hair Salon Go Pick up Adalberto Pablito Check half Saw Sister-in-law Coconut with molasses Take her to Coppelia Hat Lock Tazmanian Devil Big Saturday Crazy Seven Give it flavor Mountain Rafter Free Cuba Sargasso Snake 70 and fish Carnaval Bayamo in Carriage Crazy Durdu Show off Evelyn Isaura Leonsio Ninety Eight Zero Seven and Coca Cola Scissors Pick up the cigarette butt

STEP DESCRIPTIONS / DESCRIPCIONES DE LOS PASOS
Steps   Pasos	English	Español
Al Medio	This step is used to get everyone started off on the same foot.  Everyone starts in the traditional Son position and then steps toward the center with the inside foot, leaning inward and tapping with the outer foot, and then steps out, tapping with the inside foot…	Este paso se utiliza para que todos empiezan en el mismo pie.  Todos comienzan en la posición tradicional del son y después pisan hacia el medio de la Rueda con el pie de adentro, inclinándose hacia adentro y tocando el pie exterior (sin pisarlo); enseguida pisan el pie exterior, tocando con el pie interior.
Abajo	When this step is called, the man waits until his left foot comes up and then starts a modified front to back step, going forward with the left foot and back and slightly to the side with the right foot.  The woman goes into the basic back to back step.  Both partners shift their shoulders in a back and forth movement following the feet.	Cuando este paso se llama, el hombre espera a que su pie izquierdo sea el siguiente y allí empieza un paso modificado de adelante y atrás, yendo adelante con el pie izquierdo y atrás y un poco hacia el lado con el pie derecho.  La mujer comienza el paso básico de atrás y atrás.  Ambos mueven los hombros en la misma dirección va-y-ven, siguiendo los pies.
Exhíbela	This step comes out of the “Abajo” step. The woman is marking back-to-back, then goes into the front to back step, starting with the  back right, then left front, and then a front to back turn to the right, and returns to the back-to-back step.  At the same time the man, who is doing a modified front-to-side step in the Abajo, goes into the side-to-side step at the same time the woman goes into the back right step.  When the man steps to the right side, the woman goes forward and under his left arm, then turns to the right. After one set of side-to-side steps, the man returns to the Abajo step, as does the woman.	Este paso sale de “Abajo”. La mujer está marcando “atrás y atrás”, y entonces comienza el paso de adelante-atrás, comenzando con el derecho atrás, y después el izquierdo hacía delante, con una vuelta a la derecha enseguida, y vuelve al paso de “atrás y atrás”.  Al mismo tiempo, el hombre que está haciendo un paso modificado de adelante-al-lado, comienza el paso de “al lado-al lado”.  Cuando el hombre pisa hacia la izquierda, la mujer va hacía atrás. Cuando el hombre pisa hacía la derecha, la mujer va hacia adelante, por debajo del brazo izquierdo del hombre, y entonces da la vuelta a la derecha y ambos vuelven al paso de Abajo.
Exhíbela dos y una	This is the same as the previous step, only the move is repeated twice with the guy´s hand holding the woman´s and once without any hands, returning to the Abajo step.	Este paso es igual que el anterior, sólo que se repite dos veces con la mano, y una vez sin manos, volviendo al paso de Abajo.
Dile que no	This is the most important step you will learn in Casino, and it is used constantly at the end of most every move in a Rueda. Men:  (practice this alone first until you master it, then try it with your partner) From the modified Front-to-side step, you will step forcefully toward the center of the rueda (your left) with your left front foot on the “1″, then back with your right on the “2″ and do a 1/4 turn toward your left on the “3″ when you step with your left foot. You should now be facing the center of the circle. Next, step back with your right on “1″, doing a 1/4 turn to your left at the same time, then step center left, then right on “2″ and “3″, ending on your RIGHT foot on the “3″ beat. At this point you should be facing the opposite direction from when you started.  Here is where the feet change:  Instead of stepping forward with your left, STEP BACK with the left, and forward with the right foot, and continue marking in this direction, right foot forward, and left foot back, while at the same time holding onto the woman with the left hand and alternately letting go and touching hands in the center with the right hand.  This is called “guapeando” or “guapea” and you (gently!) pull the lady toward you and then push her away.  This is used constantly, so get used to it! Women:  From the back-to-back step, you will go into the front-to-back step, STARTING WITH THE BACK RIGHT on the “1″ beat, and “2″ and “3″ in the center. On the next set of 3 beats, you will step forward with the left foot (across the man, to the other side), pivot, and turn around to your left, stepping on the right foot on the “2″ beat, already facing the opposite direction from where you started. Continue marking forward and back, holding on to the guy with your RIGHT hand and alternately letting go and touching hands in the center with your LEFT.	Este es el paso más importante que aprenderán en el estilo Casino, y se utiliza en forma constante después de casi cada una de las vueltas en la Rueda. Hombres:  (practiquen esta vuelta sólos hasta dominarla bien, y entonces inténtenlo con su pareja).  Desde el paso modificado de “adelante-al-lado”, pisa FUERTE hacía el centro de la Rueda (a su izquierda) (le llaman “Pica al medio”) con su pie izquierdo en el “1″, y después hacia atrás con el pie derecho en el “2″, haciendo 1/4 de vuelta hacía su izquierda cuando pisa con el pie izquierdo en el “3″.  En este momento debe estar mirando hacia el centro de la Rueda. Entonces, pisa hacia atrás con el pie derecho en el “1″ y voltea 1/4 de vuelta hacia su izquierda a la vez, pisando en el centro en el “2″ y el “3″. Ya para eso, debe estar mirando en la dirección opuesta a que empezó.  Es aquí que cambian de dirección los pies: En vez de pisar hacia adelante con el izquierdo, PISA HACIA ATRÁS con el izquierdo, y hacia adelante con el derecho y continua así, con el pie derecho hacia adelante y el izquierdo hacia atrás, a la vez manteniendo la mano de la mujer con la mano izquierda  e intermitentemente soltando y tocando la mano de la mujer con su derecha.  Eso se llama “guapeando” o “guapea” y debe (con delicadeza!) llevar la mujer hacia usted y después empujarla. Este “va-y-ven” se utiliza entre cada vuelta de la Rueda, así que, acostúmbrense! Mujeres: Desde el paso atrás y atrás, empieza con el paso de adelante-atrás, pero COMENZANDO CON EL PIE DERECHO HACIA ATRÁS en el “1″, y marcando el “2″ y “3″ en medio.  Enseguida, pisa hacia adelante con el pie izquierda en el “1″ y vira hacia su izquierda, pisando en el pie derecho en el “2″, ya mirando la dirección de donde vino.  Sigue marcando adelante y atrás, manteniendo contacto con la mano derecha e intermitentemente soltando y tocando la mano del hombre con tu mano izquierda.
Enchunfla	From the “Guapea” step, both partners go into the back-to-back step as follows:  Men: Step back with your LEFT, raising your Left hand and placing it over the woman’s head, while placing your Right hand on the woman’s middle back. Then go into Díle que No, as described above. Women: Step back with your RIGHT foot, then back with the left after having gone under your own arm, then back with the Right foot again, and Dile Que No. In a Rueda:  Instead of completing it with a Díle que No, men just raise your Left hand and let the woman go, going on to the next woman and picking her up with the Díle que no (same as Dámela). Also called “Enchunfla y Dame”.	Desde el paso de “Guapea”, ambos comienzan el paso de atrás-y-atrás en la siguiente manera:  Hombres: Pisa hacía atrás con el pie IZQUIERDO, levantando la mano izquierda y pasándola por encima de la cabeza de la mujer, a la vez parando su vuelta con la mano derecho en la espalda de la mujer. Sigue con un Díle que No, como descrito arriba. Mujeres: Pisen hacía atrás con el pie DERECHO, entonces atrás con el izquierdo, después de haber pasado por debajo de su propio brazo, con su espalda hacía el hombre.  Entonces pisa hacía atrás DE NUEVO con el pie derecho y haz un Díle que No. En una Rueda: En vez de terminar la Enchufla con un Díle que No, hombres levantan la mano izquierda y sueltan a la mujer, siguiendo a la siguiente mujer y recogiéndola con una Díle que No (lo mismo que Dámela). También conocido como “Enchunfla y Dame”.
Enchunfla doble	Same as above, only pass the woman under your arm twice, stopping her the first time with your hand, and sending her back to the starting position before finishing the “Enchunfla”.	Lo mismo que arriba, solamente que pases la mujer por debajo del brazo del hombre dos veces, parándola con la mano derecha en la espalda, y mandándola de vuelta a la posición de comienzo antes de terminar la “Enchunfla”.
Adiós	From Guapea, step back and count 6 steps to go around each other, then on to the next partner.   Men: put your right hand on the woman’s waist, lifting your left arm and going under it to the next woman in the Rueda. Women: Place your left hand behind the man’s right shoulder and walk around him, raising your right hand to let him walk under it to the next woman.	Desde Guapea, pisa hacía atrás y cuenta “6″ pasos para dar la vuelta completa, y sigue hasta la siguiente persona. Hombres: Ponga su mano en la cintura de la mujer, levantando la mano izquierda y pasando por debajo de su propia mano hacia la siguiente mujer en la Rueda. Mujeres: Ponga su mano izquierda detrás del hombro del hombre y camina alrededor de él, levantando su mano derecho para que él pueda caminar por debajo hacía la siguiente mujer.
Adiós con  la hermana	Same as above, but instead of going on to the next partner, do an Enchufla and stay with the same partner	Lo mismo que el Adiós, pero en vez de seguir a la siguiente persona en la Rueda, se hace una Enchufla y sigue con la misma persona.
Dame	This is how you get from one woman to the next in the Rueda. Men:  Push away from the woman with three counts, then turn to your back right, using the Díle que no to the next woman in the Rueda. Women: from the Guapea, push away from the man, step back right, “2″, “3″ in place and then lift your left arm over the guy´s shoulder and do a  Díle que No across in front of him, returning to the Guapea position.	Es así que se va el hombre de una mujer a otra dentro de la Rueda. Hombres:  Empuja (SUAVE, SUAVE!), contando 3 pasos, entonces voltea hacia su derecha, hacia atrás, y enseguida haz un Díle que No, recogiendo así la siguiente mujer en la Rueda. Mujeres:  Desde el paso de Guapea, empuja la mano del hombre, pisa hacia atrás en el  “1″ y marca”2″ y “3″ en su lugar.  Levanta su brazo izquierdo sobre el hombro derecho del hombre y haz un Díle que No enfrente de él, volviendo al Guapea.

Sombrero	Same as Vacila (below), but with hands crossed, right over left as you tap, guys with their left foot, girls with their right foot.. Guy takes his right over the girl’s head, then the left, then takes his right hand over the girl’s head and rests it on her right shoulder, his left hand by his own left ear. Finishing in Dile Que No.	Lo mismo que Vacila (abajo), pero con las manos cruzadas, derecha encima de izquierda, a medida que hagas el “tap”, hombre con el pie izquierdo, mujer con el pie derecho. El hombre lleva la mano derecha por encima de la cabeza de la mujer, después enseguida la izquierda y la deja descansar encima del hombro derecho de la mujer. La mano izquierda del hombre está al lado de su oreja izquierda terminando en Dile Que No.
Vacila	Men: Step forward on 3, mark fourth beat, left hand throws the girl’s right hand out, then díle que no. Women:  Step forward on 3, bring right foot in on the 4th beat (also called tap), rounded (back turn to the right), then step back 1-2-3, díle que no.	Hombres: Marca hacia adelante en el “3″, la mano izquierda tira la mano derecha de la mujer hacia afuera, y después Díle que No. Mujeres: Marca hacia adelante en el “3″, marca hacia adentro en el 4 con el pie derecho (también conocido como el “tap”), rounded (vuelta completa hacia atrás hacia la derecha), marca hacia atrás 1-2-3, Díle que No.
Candado	Starts the same as the Enchunfla, except you do not let go of the other hand. The man’s left hand takes the woman’s right over and behind her head, while the man’s right hand and the woman’s left stay in front of the woman at waist height. Count 1, 2, 3 to go in, and 1, 2, 3 to come back face to face. The steps are going to be like basic enchunfla going back to back. This is repeated twice the same way and then the third time the man does an enchunfla with both hands ending it up in half rounded and walking with the lady behind until the next step is called.	Comienza igual que Enchunfla , pero no sueltas la otra mano. La mano izquierda del hombre lleva la mano derecha de la mujer por encima y detrás de la cabeza de ella, mientras la mano derecha del hombre y la izquierda de la mujer se mantiene a nivel de cintura. Cuenta 1, 2, 3 para entrar y 1, 2, 3 para volver frente a frente. Los pies van hacia atras como en basic enchunfla. Eso se repite dos veces igual, y la tercera vez se hace un Enchunfla con las dos manos, terminando con un medio rounded caminando con la muchacha detras hasta que llamen el proximo paso.
Pelota	Starts with Enchunfla (see above) but both men and women walk four counts and the clap four times as tyou walk towards your next partner. Clap once for a Pelota de Uno, clap twice for Pelota de Dos, three times for Pelota de Tres, four times for Pelota de Cuatro, etc. Usually you will stomp your feet, alternating left and right at the same time (so as to keep marking the rhythm).	Comienza en Enchunfla (vea arriba) pero tanto el hombre como la mujer caminan cuatro conteos y luego aplauden cuatro veces a medida que vayan cambiando de compañero/a de baile. Aplaude una vez para Pelota de Uno, dos veces para Pelota de Dos, tres veces para Pelota de Tres, etc. Generalmente se marca el ritmo también con los pies, alternando para no perder el ritmo.

Abrázala	Starts like a Beso, but the guy’s left hand goes behind the girl’s back, (puts his arm around her like a hug) 3 counts, then out and finish with díle que no.	Comienza como un beso, pero el brazo izquierdo del hombre se lo pone en la espalda de la mujer (la abraza!), cuenta hasta 3, entonces saca el brazo y termina con díle que no.
Siete Moderno	Starts like Vacila, but stop the girl with the right hand on her right shoulder. Grab the left hand and do Coca-cola with left hand and alarde for the guy, díle que no.	Comienza como Vacila, pero paras a la mujer con la mano derecha en su hombro derecho (atrás).  agarras la mano izquierda, Coca-cola con la mano izquierda y alarde para el hombre, díle que no.
Balsero	Starts with a sombrero and then you are going to take the girl around you instead of doing a Dile Que No without letting go of the hands, then do another sombrero and finish in Dile Que No.	Comienza como sombrero y pasas la muchacha por detras de tu espalda con las do manos cojidas en vez de hacer dile que no, luego le haces otro sombrero y terminas en dile que no.
Juana la Cubana	Starts like a sombrero doble, but instead of putting the arms behind the shoulders on the second side, you keep both the right hands down, in front of the man.  Pull the girl across in front of the man, (3 counts) do an alarde with the left hand, exhibe, and end in sombrero.	Empieza como un sombrero doble, pero en vez de poner los brazos detrás de los hombros en el segundo lado, se mantiene las dos manos derechas abajo, en frente del hombre.  Jala a la mujer, cruzando en frente del hombre (cuenta 3), haga un alarde con la mano izq., exhibe, y termina en sombrero.
Siete Setenta	Starts like a setenta, but do a quick doble gancho (man hook left, then right) and then an exhíbela with both hands, then setenta complicado followed by an Enchunfla, rounded and Dile Que No.	Comienza como un setenta, pero sigue con un doble gancho rápido (hombre engancha con la izquierda, después la derecha), entonces un exhíbela con las dos manos dejando la mano derecha abajo para entrar en setenta complicado, despues hacen un enchunfla, rounded y Dile Que No.

Huracán	Turn back to back (going toward guy’s left, girl’s right), holding BOTH hands, let go of girl’s right hand.  Alarde, exhibela, hook with guy’s right elbow, do a Dile que No and coca cola ending in another Dile Que No followed by a tap. Repeat the turn again from the beginning until the hook part and when you do the Dile Que No you are going to switch partners doing coca cola.	Voltéan espalda a espalda, ( hacía la izquierda del hombre, la derecha de la mujer), agarrados de las DOS manos, suelta la mano derecha de la mujer.  Alarde, exhibela, gancho con el codo derecho del hombre, dile que no y luego hacer coca cola y otro dile que no terminando en tap. Luego se hace otra vez espalda a espalda y se repite la vuelta desde el principio hasta el gancho. Luego se hace un dile que no y cambian de pareja en coca cola en vez de quedarte con la misma muchacha.
7 Loco Complicado	Start like siete and the girl’s left hand goes across her to her right shoulder.  Man grabs girl’s left hand over the shoulder and does a coca cola with both hands pulling until you get to tap without letting go of her hads.Turn back to back, and do alarde for the lady, exhíbela, and do another alarde followed by another exhíbela, The the guy does an alarde to himself and then he does an enchunfla with both hands. After he goes under his right arm going back to back with the lady, enchunfla and dile que no.	Vacila con la mano derecha de la mujer (no la sueltes) sin subir la mano de manera que ella se enrosque hasta el hombre.  La mano izquierda de la mujer cruza a su hombro derecho. El hombre agarra la mano sobre el hombro de la mujer y le hace una coca cola con las dos manos seguido de un dile que no. No suelten las manos hasta llegar a un tap, voltea espalda a espalda, le haces un alarde a la muchacha, exhíbela, otro alarde, y otro exhíbela , y luedo un alarde para el hombre. Sin soltar las manos haces un enchunfla con las dos manos y el hombre entra por debajo de su brazo derecho y luego pasa por detras en back to back, hace un encunfla y Dile Que No.

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kahi na kaho( INDIAN song)

Kaho na Kaho was originally sung by Amr Diab, the famous Egyptian singer called “Tameli Ma’ak” (I’m always with you). In the Hindi version, the singer includes some Arabic.

Hindi:
Kaho na kaho ye aankhen boltii hai, o sanam o sanam, o mere sanam
Whether you speak or not, your eyes say it all. Oh darling, Oh darling, Oh my darling
Mohabbat ke safar mein, ye sahaara hai
In the journey of love, this is my support
Wafaa ke saahilon ka ye kinaara hai
This is the shore of fidelity
Baadalon se uunchii uRaanuum kii
(those eyes) whose flight soars above the clouds,
Sabse alag pahachaanuun kii
Whose powers of discrimination are like no other’s,
Use hai pyaar kii kahaanii mansuub
Are destined for a story of love
Aatii jaatii saanson kii ravaanii mansuub
Destined to breathe of love.
Baadalon se uunchii uRaanuum kii
(those eyes) whose flight soars above the clouds
Sabse alag pahachaanuum kii
Whose powers of discrimination are like no other’s,
Use hai pyaar kii kahaani mansuub
Are destined for a story of love,
Aatii jaatii saanson kii ravaanii mansuub
Destined to breathe of love.

Arabic:
Tamali ma’ak, we law hata b’eed anni
I’m always with you, even when you’re far from me
Fi alibi hawak
In my heart is your love
Tamali ma’ak
I’m always with you
Tamali fi bali we fi albi wala bansak
You’re in my mind and in my heart; I can’t forget you.
Tamali waheshni, low hata bakoon waiak
I always miss you, even when I’m with you…

Hindi:
Kaho na kaho, y aankhen boltii hain
Whether you speak or not, your eyes speak for you
O sanam o sanam, O mere sanam
Oh darling, Oh darling, Oh my darling
Mohobat ke safar mein, tu hamaara hai
In this journey of love, you are mine
Andhere raaston ka tuu sitaara hai
On dark paths, you are my guiding star
Tu hii jiini ka sahaara hai
You are my support in life
Meri maujuum ka kinaara hai
The shore on which I break
Mere liye jahaan hai tuu
For me, you are the whole world
Tujhe mere dil ne pukaara hai
It is whom my heart has called
Kaho na kaho, saansen boltii hai
Whether you speak or not, your breath speaks for you
O sanam o sanam, o mere sanam
Oh darling, oh darling. Oh my darling
Labon pe naam, tere bas hamaara hai
On your lips is mine alone
Ye tera dil bhii jaana hamaara hai
Your heart knows too that you are mine
khwaabo.n me.n tujhko sa.nwaara hai
In dreams I adore you
jazbo.n me.n apne utaara hai
my fantasies are all of you
merii yeh aa.nkhe.n jidhar dekhe.n
wherever my eyes look
tera hii chehara nazaara hai
I see only your face

Stupid people stories

IDIOTS & RETAIL

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”. Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

AN IDIOT’S IDIOT

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

Engineers are cooking

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Doctors meeting

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Crazy people talk

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”

Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

A mental hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office.

“Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.”

“Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. Haroldson replied. “I hung him up to dry.”

Ten worst gifts to buy a woman

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make “housework” easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, “honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting.” “This Windex should last you a while.” “I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner.” All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a “night out with the boys.”

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. “Honey, I’m sure you’ll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you.” By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won’t be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year’s party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman’s clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she’ll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, “were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?” An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to “do these pants make me look fat.” If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn’t get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on “How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday.” These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

THE SILENT ARTICULATION OF A FACE

THE SILENT ARTICULATION OF A FACE

Love comes with a knife,
not some shy question,
and not with fears
for its reputation!

I say these things disinterestedly.
Accept them in kind.

Love is a madman, working his wild schemes, tearing off his clothes,
running through the mountains, drinking poison,
and now quietly choosing annihilation.

A tiny spider tries to wrap an enormous wasp.
Think of the spiderweb woven across the cave
where Muhammad slept!

There are love stories,
and there is obliteration into love.

You’ve been walking the ocean’s edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.
You must dive naked under and deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!

Love flows down!!
The ground submits to the sky and suffers
what comes.

Tell me, is the earth worse
for giving in like that?
Don’t put blankets over the drum!
Open completely.
Let your spirit-ear listen to the green dome’s passionate murmur.]

Let the cords of your robe be untied.
Shiver in this new love beyond all above and below.

The sun rises, but which way
does night go?

I have no more words. Let soul speak with the silent
articulation of a face.

A Barroom View of Love

I would not want all my words
To parade around this world
In pretty costumes,

So I will tell you something
Of the Barroom view of Love.

Love is grabbing hold of the Great Lion’s mane
And wrestling and rolling deep into Existence

While the Beloved gets rough
And begins to maul you alive.

True Love, my dear,
Is putting an ironclad grip upon

The soft, swollen balls
Of a Divine Rogue Elephant

And
Not having the good fortune to Die!